Dont Blink
by KateLovesEdward
Summary: A little peek into what Bella is thinking when Edward is away. Set during New Moon. Very sad.


A/N-- You know the drill: I don't own Twilight or New Moon

So I don't know weather or not to finish my other story and I was bored, so I decided to write a new one. I don't know where I am going with this, but I would love suggestions!!

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I grabbed my bag, and slowly walked out of the classroom. I didn't feel like going to gym, but I couldn't go home just yet, because of Charlie.

He had been coming home early from work to keep me company, but it really wasn't working, because I would just sit in my room, and he wouldn't bother me there.

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I turned around the corner of the building, and walked down the little alleyway to the football field. I inhaled the sweet smell of tobacco and pot, left over from the kids who hung out around here before and after school, and during lunch.

I sat down on the far right of the bleacher closest to me, and I closed my eyes. I took in a deep breath of the humid air and lay down on the cool metal.

I didn't think about anything. I just sat there and breathed in the wet air, hoping that maybe I might just disappear forever.

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When I woke up everyone had already gone home and it had started to drizzle. I walked slowly to the pay phone near the warming house, and dialed the police station.

"Hello, this is the Forks Police Station non-emergency number, how may I help you?"

"Hi, this is …..Isabella…. Charlie's daughter," my voice sounded reedy and unnatural.

"Oh, ah, yes, it will be just one moment dear" the awkwardness in her voice was almost tangible.

The line clicked a few times before Charlie picked up. "Bells, is that you? Is everything okay? Are you hurt? I was planning on staying at the station a little longer, but I could come home, I will be there in a few minutes, okay?"

"No, dad, I'm okay. I just wanted to tell you that I was going to stay at school a little bit late to work on a project. Is that okay?" that might have been the longest sentence that I have said to Charlie since _he_ left.

"Oh, uh, yeah, oh yeah, go ahead, I guess I will be at the station until a little later, okay? You can order pizza if you get hungry." He hung up.

I held the phone to my ear for a moment longer, until I heard the bleak noise of the dial tone. I put the phone back into the cradle, and then walked back to my spot on the bench.

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It had started to rain harder, and I was getting soaked.

I really didn't care, though. I found the thick droplets refreshing.

I discarded my jacket, and slipped off my shoes and socks. I walked bare foot into the middle of the field, and stood there with my eyes closed; letting the rain soak though my clothes; letting tears fall from my eyes.

I let out a small moan, then a sob.

Then I screamed to the sky. I screamed for what it had taken from me.

I screamed and I shrieked, and even though my voice cracked, I felt more alive in this moment then ever before.

The whole in my chest had not gone away, however. It had gotten bigger, and the more I screamed, the more it ripped through me.

Perhaps if it got big enough, I would cease to exist.

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I sobbed and screamed like that for a good hour before my energy to cry ran out.

I fell onto the wet ground, and I lay in the cool mud, letting the dirty water envelop me.

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When I awoke it was dark, and the rain had all but stopped.

I walked slowly back to my car, and got in, ignoring how wet I was. I didn't bother to turn on the heater even though I was freezing cold.

When I got home I unlocked the door, and stepped inside. Charlie wasn't home yet, so I went upstairs to go change.

I hopped into the shower, and turned the water as hot as it could go.

The water scorched my back, but I still shivered.

I let the streams of heat go down my back and through my hair, and I took a deep breath. It made the hole in my chest ache, and I put my arms around it. I turned off the water, and stepped out of the shower.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My face was swollen from crying, and there were sallow bags under my eyes. I was pale white and I if I was more beautiful I might have looked almost like a…

I couldn't bring myself to say it.

I walked out of the bathroom just as Charlie got in the house, and he called up to me.

"Bells, I'm home!"

I waited a few moments before walking slowly down the stairs in my pajamas.

"Hey dad. I am tired, so I am going to go to bed, okay?"

"Oh, uh, sure, bells, you go right ahead." I walked back upstairs and sat curled up in my rocking chair for the rest of the night, never once closing my eyes except to blink.

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A/N—ohkay dohkay, so I don't know what will happen, this might be a one-shot, or maybe a two-shot (is there such a thing?). So if you have good ideas, email me or IM me (see my profile). I would loooove to hear from everyone!!! And every author loves reviews, and so if you want an update, I want 20 reviews. As for my other story, I am still waiting for a few more!!! Xoxo -Kate


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